


neighbors.

by lunarmessenger



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Death, Drug Use, F/M, Family, Feelings, Grief/Mourning, Grieving, Hospitals, Marijuana, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Trauma, balcony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27666199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarmessenger/pseuds/lunarmessenger
Summary: A struggling music actor who's given up on the idea of familial love to pursue his dream career.A woman who chooses to put her mother above everything else; including her education and dreams.Such polar opposites and yet...a perfect match.
Relationships: Zen | Ryu Hyun/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. 001 - Working

She wiped the sweat off her brow as she finished throwing the last bag of rice on to the pallet. But it wasn't time to stand still yet; she still had to sweep up her aisle of the mess the debris the pallets and cellophane wrap made, her watch confirming that she had about twenty minutes to make her aisle spotless. She worked at one of the largest warehouse companies in the country, those who only paid for memberships allowed to shop the large items that could last the average person months to get through. With swift movements she'd swept up her trash and moved it to one of the moving flatbeds that carried every aisle's garbage.

"Hey, great work Julia! Maybe you'll be able to finally get on the same level as us!" One of her snarky coworkers sneered towards her, the large warehouse doors opening to let in customers just as she'd managed to put her broom away. She didn't bother to respond, her watch telling her it was time to go home as she unclipped her badge from her t-shirt and walked towards the time clock. Her coworkers were always a little condescending; could have to do with the fact that she was only twenty-one and the rest of them had a couple or more years under their belts in comparison to her. But she could learn to live with the snide and hurtful comments; she was there to work, not make friends. Besides, being paid fifteen dollars an hour was a blessing in this economy, and she would take it if it meant keeping herself properly taken care of.

With a sigh she scanned her work badge, the small tune coming from the machine confirming that she was free to go as she fished out her car keys and walked towards the exit doors. She took long strides, her black skinny jeans moving with her quick steps and black steel toed boots clunking against the cement floors as she weaved between the huge amount of customers that had gathered within the few minutes the place had been open. She slipped her hands into her pocket, pulling out a few silver rings and sliding them on to her small and slender fingers as she walked out the door and towards her truck waiting for her. She reached up to her bun, pulling out the hair tie that secured her wild curly hair back as she shook her head a few times.

She ignored the looks from onlookers as she rolled up her shirt sleeves, tattoos of flowers and birds dancing across her dark brown skin as she unlocked her truck and hopped inside. She pulled out her phone, cursing at the time as she hurriedly started the truck and peeled out of the parking lot in record time. The power in her truck automatically turned on the radio and her phone was connected, loud drums leaving her speakers as she mumbled along to the song while navigating through the crowded freeway.

"You said what about us, well, what about me? Hang from the gallows asleep in the rain," She bopped her head as she swung into the lot of her apartment complex, checking her watch again and then huffing as she hurried towards her apartment that was, _thank god_ on the first floor. In her haste she'd shoulder checked some random guy, his silver hair the only thing causing her to gasp in surprise as she immediately brought her hands up in defense.

"Sorry! Sorry, in a hurry." She didn't even wait for his response, already feeling extra embarrassed as she finally reached her door. She swung it open, untying her boots and kicking them off right away. She huffed as they clunked against the cane that rested there, almost knocking it completely over but being saved by her desk chair. She walked right past the sofa and into the one bedroom, the television playing a rerun of a crime show as her mother lie there. She smiled as her daughter ran into the bedroom, picking out the different bottles of medication with ease as she tilted her head.

"Hi Mija. How was work this morning?"

"Ma, it's still morning," She tried to joke, giving her a full smile as she dumped the right amount of pills into her hand and held them out to her mother with a bottle of water. Her mother took them with ease, rolling her eyes at her daughter's sarcasm.

"You know what I meant. I'm just checking on you; you're up at four am and you don't go to bed until almost midnight. I worry about you, you don't have to work so hard." Julia ignored the heavy feeling in her chest at her mother's sad tone as she waved a hand, going into the closet and pulling out a pair of sweats to trade with her jeans. She closed the closet door behind her but left it just a sliver open to talk to her mother, her tone nonchalant as she changed.

"I don't mind, Ma. Working the earlier shifts is what allows me to still go to my classes. Which, my first one starts—" She checked her watch then her calendar, groaning as reality hit. She'd gotten her days mixed up; class ended two hours ago. "Shit..." She sat on the edge of her mother's bed with her head in her hands as she slightly pulled at her long hair in frustration. This was the third time she missed class because she'd gotten confused. One more absence and it was an automatic fail, the idea already filling her chest with anxiety as tried to take deep breaths.

"Miss class again?" All she could do was nod as her mother reached a weak hand over to stroke the ends of her daughter's hair, fingers gently combing through her dark brown curls as Julia spoke.

"Yeah. I got the days mixed up again..." Her mother gave a gentle tug to the curls, causing Julia to wince in pain as she sprang up. "What was that for?"

"If you didn't _work_ so hard—"

"I don't...really want to talk about it Ma." Julia warned, avoiding eye contact with her mother who only continued to press.

" _Julia_. Why don't you focus more on school and not work? You get money from going to school alone with the G.I. Bill; why are you working?"

"Because, Ma! The G.I. bill is not enough for us to keep living in this small apartment!" She hated raising her voice at her mother, really she did. But she couldn't help it; that was the reality of things. With what they'd gone through...there was no other choice. Her mother physically couldn't work, her father was...out of the picture, and her older sister was barely ever around. This was a responsibility that she had to carry herself, and if she went a couple of days without some rest, so be it. She pulled herself out of her head as her mother waved her off, losing her patience as she shook her head.

"I just don't want you to overwork yourself. I worry, okay? Can you blame me? You're my baby. I just want you to be happy."

"I know, Ma. Just...I'm fine. I'd let you know if I wasn't." She gave a small smile, kissing her mother's forehead and getting up to go back to the living room.

Both women knew that Julia, no matter how much hurt was inside her body; she would _never_ tell her mother.

With a sigh she closed the bedroom door, going over to the couch and lying down. Her back ached in protest from her work, her face scrunching in pain for a moment before she was able to relax. Her brown eyes drifted over to the laptop on her wooden drafting table. She didn't even want to look at her grades, giving a big sigh as she decided to do something else. It only took one look at the blank canvas that waited on her easel by the table, a small smirk coming to her face as she brought her hair up in a bun again.

While school was something that she was doing mainly to get a better paying job to satisfy the bills, art was something that satisfied her soul. There was something about picking up a paint brush that gave her an indescribable feeling; painting gave her a healthy outlet to get whatever she was feeling out of her system. She didn't hesitate, pulling out her oil paints and jar full of paint sludge and paint thinner from the small cart beside her desk and gently placing them on the desk. She thumbed through her many brushes, pulling out one to sketch out an idea with a thin layer of oil paint as she opened her jar. The faint smell of thinner immediately hit her nose, a grimace escaping her lips as she remembered to open the windows and patio door.

The fresh breeze of fall immediately flooded the apartment as she sighed, deeply inhaling as the cool air rushed over her warm face. She'd turned to put on her record player that sat on the small divider that separated the living room and kitchen, picking a random record and about to put it on before she was stopped in her tracks. The sound of somebody singing; a man's singing that was smooth and rich, as she tilted her head. It wasn't in English; it was some sort of language from Asia, Julia slowly walking back towards the open patio door as she tried to decipher it. Mandarin? No...Japanese? Korean?

She snapped her fingers; Korean! That's what the language was! His voice was gorgeous, and she couldn't help but stand by the patio door and lean against it with her arms crossed. Now that she was thinking about it, the apartment above hers had been empty since she and her mother had moved in. Her curiosity only peaked as she continued to listen; how lovely that somebody with a voice like this lived right above her. She couldn't understand a thing he was singing about, but the tone was melancholy and sad, enough to make a tear threaten to spill as she hurriedly blinked it away.

"Ugh, gross..." She mumbled, the singing immediately stopping. She froze; no, he couldn't have heard her. Right?

"That bad, huh?" Suddenly the same voice had switched from Korean to fluent English, the switch up making her stutter as she dropped the record she'd had in hand.

"Ah! No, _shit_ not you I oh, God, sorry! Bye!" Her stuttering was met with a deep chuckle from above, causing her anxiety to flare from the huge amounts of embarrassment that she felt from the badly timed comment. She hurriedly picked up the cracked record and slammed the door shut behind her, locking it for good measure (though pointless) as she closed the blinds too. She closed the jar of paint thinner she had and put it away, her cheeks warming up from embarrassment and anger as she brought a hand up to grip her bun of hair. She looked at the cracked record, bummed because _no, that was my favorite album_ but nonetheless, sighed and threw it in the trash. Painting would have to wait; she could never go out on the patio again.

Unless, she wanted to meet that faceless, nameless singer that had only grown curious of his downstairs neighbor.


	2. painting

The light in the living room had dimmed as the sun began to set, Julia’s brows furrowing as her painting was cast in shadow. She’d tried to ignore the mishap with her upstairs neighbor by painting, soft strokes filling the large canvas as she looked back and forth from her reference. She’d found it on pinterest; a man kneeling down with his hands bound in front of him, head cast down as his shirt was cast wide open. She couldn’t see his face but she could tell he was rather attractive, a long silver pony tail wrapping around his kneeling body as if to cradle him.

She’d adjusted it in her own way; instead of kneeling on a stage he was kneeling in some sort of cave, soft blue lighting reflecting off the hair she’d painted as the cave seemed to shelter him from whatever hardship he’d been through. She bit the end of her paint brush softly as she thought about where to place what lighting next until she was interrupted, her phone ringing on her desk. She placed her brush down and answered quickly, not bothering to check who it was.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Mandy. I accidentally screwed up the schedule and I need someone to cover a shift toinght; can you come in?” Julia held in her groan as she rolled her eyes. Mandy _knew_ that she worked early mornings; there was no possible way she was going to work from six to ten at night, and then be up and energized the next morning at five. While she needed the extra money she didn’t need it _that_ badly, and with that she’d took a deep breath before responding.

“Hey, sorry, I can’t take that shift. I work early tomorrow, remember?” Julia tried to put it as nicely as possible, hoping that she wouldn’t be met with attitude from her manager. Her hopes were pointless.

“Well, what if I had you come in tonight and then you can work a full eight tomorrow? noon to eight-thirty?” Julia wanted to slam her head against the desk; her availability was _right there_ in her file! How could Mandy be this dense?

“I can’t do that, I work mornings because I’m in school. Besides, I have personal family matters to attend to,” Her watch reminded her that it was almost time for dinner, and after that she had to go for a walk with her mother.

“Okay, well, have a good—” Julia hung up, not wanting to hear the solemn tone of her manager; she just wanted sympathy, and Julia didn’t have time for that. She closed the windows by her desk after putting a lid on the jar of paint thinner, putting everything away as neat as possible before going to the kitchen to wash her hands. Exhaustion made her stomach a little queasy, the woman biting her lip as she opened the fridge to see what she could make.

“I can grill up some chicken and make a salad…” She mumbled, deciding to ask her mother. She got up from her squatting position to see her mother walking into the kitchen, reaching for the cutting board on the counter while Julia’s eyes widened.

“Hey! What are you doing out of bed? I was going to make dinner for the two of us so you could rest before our nightly walk!” Julia protested, reaching for the cutting board and yelping when her mother smacked her hand away.

“I don’t want to go for a walk tonight. My back is hurting.” Julia sighed, placing her hands on her hips as she tilted her head.

“Well, if you would just _rest_ for now, then maybe you’d be up for the walk later. Seriously mom I was just going to make a salad with some chicken for the two of us, I’m not very hungry.” This made her mother frown in response, her eyes switching from the countertop to Julia.

“But you always liked to eat; it’s because you’re stressed, isn’t it? Why don’t you call Dulce, I’m sure she’d be willing to—”

“No! No…I don’t want to call her.” Julia turned towards the fridge to pull out the ingredients needed, her mother deciding not to push it as she sighed.

“Okay. I’ll sit on the couch, that way we can talk while you cook?” Julia smiled, nodding before kissing her mother’s cheek and giving her a gentle hug.

“That sounds great, Ma.”

~

Julia sat in her truck after a particularly rough shift, rolling her neck and shoulders before pulling out her cellphone. Her class started in an hour; that gave her enough time to stop for some coffee on the way home. Before she pulled out of the parking lot her fingers took her to her contacts, scrolling until she stopped at the “D” section. Her finger hovered over the name, anxiety bubbling in her stomach as she hesitated. She shook her head and put her phone back into her pocket, starting her truck and driving away.

It bothered her that her mother suggested to call Dulce; she hadn’t spoken to her in almost a year. It wasn’t over something dramatic; there was no huge fight, there wasn’t some huge death that caused the two of them to drift apart. There was just always… _something_ that caused friction between the two girls, and while Dulce tried to pretend that it wasn’t there, Julia just couldn’t ignore it. That right there is what caused them to just…avoid each other really.

She shook her head to get those thoughts out of it, not wanting to feel that same pain that she’d felt for years about her as she sighed and pulled off the freeway. Within minutes she was at the coffee shop, stepping out of her truck and into the building. She ran a hand through her loose curls, brown eyes wandering over the menu as she decided on something hot or cold. As she decided on what she wanted a faint smell of vanilla and cedar seemed to come right behind her, startling her for a moment as the barista asked her what she wanted.

“Oh, sorry; can I just get a large iced chai with soy milk, vanilla syrup, and caramel drizzle please?” The barista nodded and asked for anything else, Julia’s mind still on that strong but delicious smell as she paid. She immediately went to one of the tables by the drink hand off area, crossing her legs together as she played some mindless game on her phone. She was distracted as a couple of baristas giggled amongst themselves, their eyes focused on a random customer that was finishing up their order.

Curious, Julia switched her gaze without making it obvious, keeping her head down towards her phone but her eyes up and towards this person who was now moving to a table by the register. She could now understand why the young girls were giggling and swooning, the man they were pointing to beyond gorgeous. He was tall and muscular, a leather jacket resting on his broad shoulders as he leaned back against the chair.

His hair was silver, the top portion a bit shorter while the bottom was longer, wrapped into a ponytail and falling down his back, resting just above the chair he was seated in. His long fingers were playing with his phone too, perfectly manicured nails gleaming in the soft lights of the shop as he focused. His brows framed his angular face, lips slightly parted as his red eyes switched from his phone to the menu every now and then.

To say he was gorgeous was an understatement, and she couldn’t help but feel entranced by this perfect stranger. His gaze switched from his phone to hers in an instant, brows furrowing from curiosity as their eyes met. She furiously blushed and looked away, going straight back to her phone as her anxiety washed over her body.

“Oh, god…” She whispered, feeling the sweat start to pool at her forehead and chest as she took a few breaths to calm down. She couldn’t believe she’d gotten carried away like that! It wasn’t like her to stare for so long, and now look—she seemed like a total idiot. She played with the thick silver ring on her thumb, taking it on and off as it seemed like forever before her name was called for her drink.

“Iced vanilla chai for Julia!” Immediately Julia stood and within seconds was at the handoff counter, taking her drink and smiling up at the barista.

“Thank you so much, have a great day,” She gave a nod before turning back towards the door, ignoring how the stranger continued to look at her as she booked it out of there and to her truck. She took notice of the black motorcycle parked next to her, a fond smile coming to her face as a memory came to mind. That bike looked a lot like her mothers. “Christ, that was a disaster. That man is too gorgeous to be on this planet.” She sighed, leaning briefly against her truck as she took a sip of her drink. The sweetness immediately melted away all anxiety, a hum leaving her mouth as she turned to unlock her truck.

“Julia!” Her brows furrowed as an unfamiliar voice called for her, her head snapping up as she looked around to see where the mysterious voice came from. Her eyes widened when she saw it was the man from the shop, a small smile on his face as he made her way towards her. Panic over took her as she hurriedly got in her truck and started it, rushing out of the lot and straight for the road that would take her to her complex.

She looked in the review mirror to see him standing by the motorcycle, face looking dejected before he turned around and walked back into the shop. As she drove she couldn’t help but feel bad; maybe she’d forgotten something? No…she had her wallet, phone, keys. There wasn’t anything she could have left in the coffee shop, could there? She ran her forefinger over her thumb as she gripped the wheel, her heart dropping to her stomach as she realized what she’d forgotten.

Her ring.

The thick band of silver with a sentence engraved inside it, a ring of onyx nestled between the silver. While the person who used to own the ring was on her blacklist, it still meant an awful lot to her and it was beautiful; there was a reason she constantly kept it with her. Her hand immediately slapped against her forehead as she yelled. So _that’s_ what that man had been trying to give her. What an absolute, idiot!

She checked the time; she would be late to class if she turned around now for the ring. She tapped her foot that wasn’t on the gas pedal against the floor of her truck, wondering what she should do. If she missed class again that was it, she was out for the semester and she’d have to take it again.

“God, I still hope there’s good people out there.” She decided to stop by the shop tomorrow, stepping a little harder on the gas pedal as she raced home. After all, she did have two options; either he set it back on the table in hopes that she would realize and turn around to grab it, or he kept it on his person so that he could give it to her the next time she saw him.

“I really, _really_ hope it’s not that last option.” She whined, pulling into her parking space and hurrying inside.

Of course by now she should know; hope was never really something that was high in her favor.


	3. 003 - learning.

Her professor droned on and on about math equations, the class actively following along while Julia listened in every now and then. Her mind was on her ring; she felt so stupid. Her thumb was annoyingly bare, her fingers running over it multiple times as she sighed. She’d gone to the coffee shop earlier that day to recover her ring, but as she’d feared it was gone. Who knows when she’d come across that man again; or if he even kept her ring.

Exhaustion creeped up on her as she ran her hands over her face. She didn’t work since she was off for the day, but still. Jumping between work, class, and taking care of her mother was starting to take a toll on her; and it showed. Her eyelids were fluttering as the professor droned on and on, the equations becoming nothing but mindless drabble as her head started to lean against her propped up hand.

“Julia…Julia!” She snorted as she sat straight up in her chair, a small gasp escaping her lips as she looked at the computer screen. Her professor had stopped talking and was now glaring in her direction.

“Uh, yes sir?”

“If you could so kindly answer the equation that I’ve just presented on the powerpoint?” Julia furrowed her brows as she tried to focus, sleep still keeping its grip on her as she struggled.

“Um, well…I uh—”

“I figured you wouldn’t be able to answer the question. If you’re not going to pay attention, you might as well just leave the class.” Julia gave a sigh before exiting the class, knowing that it didn’t matter if she stayed. She’d already embarrassed herself enough; she’d rather be painting anyway. She put her laptop to the side and decided to check on her mom, walking from the living room towards the bedroom door. Julia slowly opened the door and smiled; her mother was sleeping peacefully, chest rising and falling to the sound of the wind outside as her long hair rested on the pillow.

Deciding not to disturb her she closed the door again, walking over to the patio door and swinging it open. Just like that, the breeze was now inside the apartment, blowing Julia’s curls away from her face as she sighed. Her bare feet went from the soft carpet to the rough rug on the cement, the patio chairs beckoning her to sit as she gave a small sigh. The only thing she could feel was stress, crossing her legs over each other. She hated to admit it but she was starting to feel extremely overwhelmed; work and school was starting to take an extreme toll, and something told her that she was going to have a to choose between the two at some point.

“I need a cigarette,” She mumbled, reaching down underneath the patio chair for the wooden box she kept there. If her mother knew that she smoked she would wring her neck; and honestly, she doesn’t blame her. Yes, smoking kills and _yes_ she shouldn’t have such a bad habit but, fuck it. It was better than doing any sort of hard drugs that’s for sure. She pulled out the box and fished out the carton of cigarettes, a lighter, and an ash try. She stuck one of the sticks in her mouth and lit it up. Within seconds she was inhaling the smoke, the musky taste of it filling her lungs as she closed her eyes and exhaled.

“What am I going to do?” She thought about what her mother had said a couple of days ago; maybe she _should_ call Dulce. I mean…she _is_ her older sister. She should be able to help. She took another drag of her cigarette while simultaneously pulling out her cell phone, scrolling to Dulce’s name and tapping her contact. Within seconds the phone was ringing, Julia biting her lip as the line kept ringing.

_Your call has been forwarded, to an automatic voice messaging system…_

Julia sighed as she waited for the beep to come, taking another drag as she thought of what to say. Frustration boiled in her stomach at the lack of answer from her older sister, the weight of her responsibilities slowly taking over as the beep finally sounded in her ear.

“Hey, Dulce. It’s Julia. Your younger sister, remember? Not like you care…” She cleared her throat, looking up at the wooden floors above her of the patio as she shook her head. “Look, Mom needs your help, so if you could just call me back as soon as possible, that’d be great.” She paused, about to hang up until rage suddenly overtook her. Her sister, who had promised that she would help her if she needed. Her sister, who had nine years of life ahead of Julia who had absolutely no sense of responsibility; and here she was, flaking on her own family.

“Actually? Forget it. Why don’t you just pretend that we don’t fucking exist, huh? You’re good at that.” She hung up her phone and tossed it on the chair next to her, groaning as she took another drag. She knew better than to call Dulce; giving herself the false sense of hope had just angered her all over again, and before she knew it she felt sick. She put out the bug on the tray and placed her head in her hands, slouching over.

“That was a pretty rough conversation.” She gasped, sitting straight up as she looked around. It wasn’t her mother who had spoken; instead it was a smooth voice of a man.

“W-Who’s there?”

“Sorry, did I scare you?” She looked up to see two pairs of feet on the floor above her, the stranger walking over to the corner of the patio and taking a seat.

“You know, it’s not cool to listen in on other people’s conversations.” She huffed. The last thing she needed was an annoying new neighbor; a _nosy_ , annoying new neighbor at that.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop really; I just came out for a smoke.” With that she heard the flick of a lighter and then the familiar burning of the cigarette, a cloud of smoke brimming over the railing of his patio and drifting out and down slowly towards hers.

“Smoking is bad for you.”

“You’re one to talk. I already smelt it when I came outside.”

“How do you know it was me who smoked?” She entertained, raising a brow as he gave a chuckle.

“You got me there.” His accent was most definitely not from America, and it only intrigued her as she decided to stay and keep conversation with him.

“So…you’re not from here, are you?” She could hear him inhaling another drag of smoke, a second cloud brimming over the patio as she stood to walk over to the railing.

“No. I’m from South Korea. That obvious, huh?” It was Julia’s turn to let out a small laugh as she brought her forearms to the railing, leaning against it as she gave a small sigh.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way…honestly you’re accent isn’t that bad compared to the few foreigners I’ve met here and there,” She tilted her head up every so slightly as she heard the floor boards above her creak, her neighbor walking along the boards as he inhaled again.

“Yeah? Well I’m flattered to hear that.” There was a bit of silence between the two, Julia too awkward to keep the conversation going while the man above kept smoking his cigarette.

“What’s your name?” She managed to squeak out, bringing her right hand up to her face and slowly running her forefinger across her lips in anticipation.

“Hyun Ryu. But I prefer to go by Zen.”

“Zen, huh? Well, it’s nice to meet you Zen.”

“Nice to meet you too—”

“Julia!” She jumped at the sudden call of her name from inside, the frantic tone causing her to whip her head back towards the patio door as she let out a small yelp.

“Ah, sorry! I have to go! But it really was nice meeting you!”

“Wait—” Before he could even ask her name she was inside, slamming the patio door shut behind her.

+

Silent tears slid down her mother’s cheeks as the warm water of the shower ran down her back, Julia using a washcloth to gently scrub her lower back and bottom. With every gentle scrub of the washcloth Julia could feel the ridges of her mother’s surgical scars underneath it, the action making her squirm inside while she kept on a brave face for her mother. A small sniffle caught her attention as she used her free hand to move her mother’s wet hair out of her face, sadness creeping over the two women as she tried to speak up.

“It’s okay, Ma. It’s okay…” Her mother began shaking her head, her shoulders shaking as she cried even harder.

“I’m so sorry Julia I just…I really had to use the bathroom and I tried to get up but I just wasn’t quick enough and—”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Julia shushed her mother as she tried to fight back her own tears. She hated seeing her mother in so much pain; and while it was nothing new that her mother needed help doing the most basic things, this was as bad as it’s ever gotten to be. “I’m going to make an appointment for you tomorrow. I’ll come pick you up after work and then we’ll head to the doctor’s office okay? This isn’t good, Ma…”

Julia trailed off as her mother’s sobs continued, shaking her head as she rinsed her off and turned off the water. With steady hands she brought up her mother who used one hand to grip Julia’s hand and the other on the bar in the restroom. Within an hour Julia had put lotion on her mother and dressed her in a fresh pair of pajamas, laying her back down on her bed and tucking her in.

“It’s going to be okay, Ma. Don’t worry.” Her mother nodded and placed a kiss on Julia’s cheek, bringing a hand up to caress it as she sighed.

“I’m sorry that I’m not a good mother.” Those words caused a deep ache in her chest, biting her lip to supress the lump that was building in her throat as she cleared her throat and shook her head.

“You _are_ a good mother. Please don’t ever say that again, okay? Get some rest, I’m going to start the laundry to wash the clothes then work on some homework. Let me know if you need anything.” With that she went to the restroom and collected her mother’s soiled clothes, tossing them into the washer and starting a quick wash. She trudged into the living room and removed the couch cushions, bringing out the couch bed that honed the familiar cozy sheets she slept in every night.

She ran a hand over her face and released her hair from the bun on top of her head as she sat, the springs squeaking in protest as she lie down. She stared at the ceiling for a moment, the lump in her throat slowly growing bigger. Her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to supress it, mumbling to herself as she lie there. You’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine.

 _You’re fine_.


	4. 004 - waiting.

The smell of cleaning chemicals and sterile rubber filled the air as they sat inside the doctor’s office, Julia’s mother sitting on the bed while Julia sat beside her on the plastic chair. The hum of the computer nearby and the sound of nurses walking around outside was enough to make her anxious, her leg bouncing as she sat in silence with her mother.

After she’d had the accident with her nether regions, Julia knew that whatever the doctor had to say was not going to be good. This damn condition; her mother only had it because she was injured during one of her tours when she was in the military. Almost twenty years of service and here she was, mentally and physically damaged due to somebody else’s mistake.

Even with all the anxiety and negativity she’d been trying to endure for the last few days, Julia was surprised to find that her mind drifted towards her upstairs neighbor. A small smile came to her face as she leaned back in the plastic chair, their conversation on their respective patios replaying fresh in her mind. His voice was so smooth and had a calming effect; she wasn’t too surprised. People who can sing rather well tend to have nice sounding voices when they speak.

 _I want to hear his voice again_ , she thought, her brows raising slightly at that sudden thought. She wanted to hear him again?

“God, did she get caught in traffic or something? What the hell?” Julia’s mother spoke up in frustration, leaning her cane against the wall next to her as she groaned. The aggressive tone snapped Julia out of her surprised daze, the young woman clearing her throat before speaking.

“Just a little patience; I’m sure she’ll be in soon.” Just as she finished her sentence in walked the doctor, Julia’s stomach flipping in anticipation as she sat up from her slouched position.

“Sancha? Sancha Gomez? Hi, I’m Dr. Star. How are you two doing today?” Julia gave a weak smile while her mother scoffed.

“Well, not the best. That’s why we’re here.”

“Mom…” Julia warned, giving her mother a pointed look at Dr. Star remained unfazed.

“I understand. Well, what seems to be the problem?” Julia jumped in and explained what happened, Sancha avoiding eye contact out of shame as Dr. Star nodded while listening. Her brows furrowed in concern as she grabbed her clipboard, her nimble fingers thumbing through the attached file and papers.

“Hm. May I take a look?” The older woman gave a curt nod and stretched out her legs, Dr. Star taking a seat in the rolling chair and sliding over. Julia scooted out of her way, watching as she prodded at her mother’s thin legs.

“Can you feel that?” She would ask, poking and prodding around Sancha’s ankles and calves.

“Barely,” She mumbled in response, her face contorting in pain every now and then as Dr. Star applied pressure. “I’ve been having less and less feeling in my legs; the left one is the worse out of the two. Is that normal?” Sancha asked, her face hard but her tone shaky. Julia knew that her mother was nervous, and honestly, so was she.

Before her back surgeries Sancha used to be what her family called “Super Woman”. She was so active; she loved doing anything and everything, and always said that if you didn’t go outside at least once every day during your life, then you weren’t living. She was the one you could depend on, the one you could call if you needed help moving things, setting up parties, cooking family dinners, all of it. But when she received her diagnosis and her health took a sharp decline, Sancha wasn’t that enthusiastic about her own phrase anymore. As for the family? The calls just stopped coming.

“Well, let me take a look at your back real quick.” Sancha gave another nod and slowly, painfully, turned over so that she was now on her knees and sinking down to her stomach, lying flat on the bed as the doctor stood from the chair and carefully lifted Sancha’s blouse. Her tanned skin was dotted with freckles, smooth from her upper back all the way to the middle. Below that is where things got a bit…warped. A long and large scar made it’s home on Sancha’s lower back, the tattoo she’d gotten of Julia’s name split in half from the amount of times surgeons had gone in and cut her open over and over. Dr. Star’s touch was gentle as she took a look at the scar, her brows furrowing as she gave a small sigh.

“How many times have they operated on you, Sancha?”

“Three times. The last one went completely wrong and ever since then, I’ve had issues with my stomach and being able to use the restroom.” Again her voice was small, almost like a child that had been hurt as Dr. Star nodded and turned her attention to Julia.

“And you were present for each one of these surgeries for her aftercare?” She nodded, sitting straight up again as she clicked the heels of her boots together.

“Yeah. Since I was sixteen.” Dr. Star helped Sancha turn front facing again and sit up right on the bed, grabbing her clipboard once more and opening the file.

“Let’s see; arachnoiditis, diagnosed back in 2016. You’ve had these surgeries in an attempt to slow down the process of losing feeling in your legs, but it seems that the last one has just accelerated it…” Dr. Star’s brows continued to furrow as she mumbled to herself, the longer she was quiet the worse both women’s anxiety became.

“So…what does that mean for my Mom? I mean…?” Julia finally spoke up, her tone coming out more aggressive than she intended to. She couldn’t wait for an answer anymore, the tension in the room unbearable as Dr. Star gave a sigh.

“She’ll need to be in a wheel chair by the end of the year.” Julia’s eyes widened, her heart sinking as she looked over to her mother. Sancha was void of all emotion on her face, jaw clenched and fingers gripping each other hard as she took a deep breath. Even though she wasn’t showing emotion Julia knew that those words shattered whatever hope Sancha had left of getting better, a hard swallow filling the room as she nodded.

“Okay. Is…is there anything I can do to help with the side affects? Like the incident that happened with the bathroom?”

“Well I can prescribe you…” Julia had long tuned out, eyes focused on a poster of a mother and her daughter. The little girl had that generic happy go lucky air about her like every other hospital poster, her mother cradling her in the perfect pose as they smiled at the camera. The little girl fit perfectly in the woman’s arms, and it left Julia to wonder if that was _really_ her mother. It didn’t matter though honestly, the shot was perfect, and what tied it all together was the stupid phrase that was plastered below them.

_Anything is possible with a mother’s love. Visit our website to discover what options we can provide for you._

Julia tried to hold in a scoff; a pregnancy poster, huh? She finally tore her eyes away, leaning back in the chair and crossing her arms, the chains attached to her jeans clinking against the plastic with every movement. The way that mother was holding her child, the way that she was cradling her and leading her every step. That was something that Julia hadn’t felt in a long time; if anything, the roles were now reversed. She felt like she was the one who had to protect her mother, keep her out of harms way while she had to sacrifice everything to make it work.

“Your prescription should be ready in a couple of hours, and I’ll have my pharmacist here send it over to your nearest location.” With those dismissive words Julia helped her mother get off the bed, her weak legs trembling from sitting for too long as she slid her bare feet into her sandals. Julia’s thick boots clunked against the linoleum floor as she walked over to grab her mother’s cane.

“Thank you Doctor.”

+

The two women sat in Julia’s truck, the silence almost too much as she slowly reached over to turn off her truck. They were parked in the handicap spot as usual, Julia waiting for her mother to say something, _anything_.

“Don’t tell anybody in the family. I don’t want them to know.” Julia’s brows furrowed, turning towards her mother who was looking straight ahead at the apartment building.

“What? Are you serious? But they don’t even know how bad your condition is _now_. What about birthdays? The holidays? What will they say when I suddenly come up the driveway with you in a wheelchair, Ma? And I never told them? I mean—”

“Julia, that’s enough. I don’t want them to know, they don’t need to know, and that’s absolutely final. The only person who should be told is your sister.” Julia scoffed, throwing her arms up in exasperation as she slammed herself back into her seat.

“Oh right, Dulce, I forgot about her.”

“Julia.”

“You know, do you wonder if she even cares about you? About me? It’s only been like, I don’t know, almost ten years—” She was cut off, her mother slapping her hard across her face, hair whipped to the side from the force of it as she sputtered. She looked back to her mother, eyes wide as she looked into the teary eyes of her mother.

“You do _not_ speak that way about your sister. She will come around, I know it. I may have lost most of the feeling in my legs but the rest of me is still here. Now you will apologize, and you will keep my condition to yourself. Is that understood?” Her mother’s voice was calm but deadly, Julia only being able to muster up the strength to give a weak nod.

“I’m going for a walk, I’ll call you if I need help.” With that Sancha was out of the truck and limping away with her cane, presumably to cool off. Julia got out of her truck and slammed the door shut, locking it behind her while speed walking to their apartment. She unlocked the door and threw it open, her eyes wild with anger as she took deep breaths.

“You’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine; you’re _fucking_ fine,” Her breaths were shallow and ragged, her anger continuing to build as she paced back and forth. Her eyes landed on the picture of her and Dulce as children on the wall, a nine year old Dulce cradling a newborn Julia in her arms as she grinned a toothy smile at the camera. Julia quickly grabbed it from the wall and threw it against the front door, the glass shattering as she let out a scream.

“You’re not fucking fine!” Tears streamed down her hot cheeks as she went outside to the patio, using her arm to roughly wipe away the tears, hands flying to the wooden box to grab another cigarette. Without a care she’d shoved one in her mouth and lit it, inhaling over and over with each puff of smoke she released. She brought her free hand up to her loose hair, squeezing her curls hard before yelling out at the sky.

“Fuck you!” Who was she talking to? She didn’t know, but it made her feel good. So she yelled it again, again, and _again_ until her throat was raw from her screams and the smoke, voice hoarse as she hiccuped and shook her head.

“I fucking hate you…”

“That’s a shame, because I’ve grown a little curious of you.” The deeper voice made her jump, dropping the bud left from her smoking to the ground as she coughed.

“Ah sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just…I heard the screaming.” Julia was embrassed, the tears still silently falling as she gave a weak sniff.

“Rough day?”

“You have no idea.” She gave a weak laugh as she tried to muster up a small smile. It didn’t matter though, since he couldn’t see her but still; she felt like trying would help at least to lift the heavy weight.

“You know, you can talk about it with me if you’d like.” She hesitated, her legs shaking as she plopped herself down on the patio chair and sighed.

“It’s a lot. And, it’d be pretty embarrassing to make you into my own personal therapist you know.” She tried to joke, her efforts succeeding as she heard a small laugh from the man upstairs.

“Then, only tell me the little things. Or, what you’re feeling right now. No back story or anything, just what you’re feeling.” Again she was quiet, puffy eyes glancing between the landscape in front of her to the wooden boards of the patio above. She didn’t hear his footsteps walk away, or the sound of a door closing so she figured he must still be there.

“I’m just angry. Angry, frustrated and…sad,” The admittance made the situation all the more real, lip quivering as she sniffed again and took a deep breath. “I’m so sad.” She hiccuped, leaning against the railing of the patio as she shook her head.

“I’m sad, and I’m going through all of this by myself. And I can’t _do_ this by myself.” It was silent for a minute, Julia rolling her eyes as she shook her head. Of course her neighbor wasn’t going to listen; who did she think she was? She shouldn’t be unloading all of her emotions on some random stranger, one that she would have loved to be friends with if she hadn’t just scared him off.

“I’m so sorry. I um…I know what it’s like to feel so alone. And that you can’t do things by yourself.” Her lip quivered when she realized that he was just thinking of what to say, and that he hadn’t, in fact, left at all.

“Any advice for a first timer?” A breathless laugh escaped at her own attempt to try to ease the pain, the voice up above clearing his throat as he answered.

“It depends. I won’t ask you for details because it’s obvious it’s personal. But for me, it was entirely in my control. I was afraid and alone; but that’s what I chose. For you…it doesn’t sound like this is something that you’ve created, is it?”

“No, it isn’t.” She’d shaken her head but quickly realized that he couldn’t see her, sniffling again as he continued to speak.

“Then just breathe. Take it one day at a time, and remember that you’re only human. You can only do and take so much.” His words, while they were from a stranger, effectively calmed her down, the gentle breeze swaying the plants around her as she took a deep breath in, and then out.

“Thank you. So much. I owe you for sure.” He chuckled as she stretched in her chair, feeling exhausted from crying as she sank back down and lie her head back.

“Yes, you do. You can pay it back easily, though.” She tilted her head.

“Yeah? And how would I do that?”

“You know my name, right?”

“Mhm. Hyun Ryu, or, Zen.”

“Well you ran off before you could tell me yours.” She smiled at his playful and curious tone, crossing her left leg over her right as she took another deep breath.

“Ah, yeah. Sorry about that. My name is—” His phone was suddenly ringing, a catchy piano tune playing as Julia gave a small sigh and he hurried to answer.

“Hello? Ah,” He suddenly switched to Korean, planting a seed of curiosity within her as he spoke quickly and with frustration. She was temped to pull out google translate to see if she could pick anything up, but she felt wrong eavesdropping so she resisted the urge.

“I’m so sorry but I have to take this; if you ever want to talk again, just go ahead and tap at the patio. I’ll come out, I promise. No need to yell and cause strain to that beautiful voice of yours.” Within minutes he was gone back inside his apartment, Julia’s face burning with embarrassment as she settled back in her chair again.

“He thinks I sound beautiful?”


End file.
